Summer loving
Well. Gosh. Another summer at its end. Others before me have blogged more and blogged better, however, it would be bad form not to scribble down a little souvenir of what was, as ever, a fabulous 6 weeks on The Continent.
As you know, my memory is not what is was. But from what I can recall, for posterity's sake and because everyone loves a list, are some of the highlights. I took no photos so all featured here are thanks to the paparazzi.
Week 1: Milan/Sardinia
Tot A birthday celebrations in Milan: 1 (drunken. extensive)
Shopping trip for Tot C birthday outfit: 1 (swanky. thanks boys!)
Ferry trips to and from Sardinia: 2 (seventies lounge, spades, bouncy bouncy!)
Weddings attended: 1
Pan-African dance performance viewed: 1 (wincey wincey)
Midnight trips to Cagliari airport: 1 (hairpin bends. pukerama)
Belgian ex-mercenary/tobacco baron encountered: 1 (charming host, mildly woman-phobic)
Shamefaced uncovering of 36 year old flesh on beach: 3 (gravity has not been kind to this woman)
Obligatory birthday strop including tears/mourning lost youth and firmness of thighs: 1 (shortlived, banished by lunchtime mini-bottle)
First ever snorkelling experience with A: 1 (magical)
Shamefaced pushing of car out of sand on beach: 1 (errrr)
Consumption of seafood: excessive but delish
Sweating: profuse
Weight-gain: not-as-yet-thank-god
Week 2: Maremma
Ecstatic gambolling in Tuscan retreat: extensive
Grand planning for EP party: aiming high
Discussions over finding landrover/aeropane to plant in field: over-optimistic
Action re above: nil
Switching beds to provide self with room befitting 36 year old lady dowager: yay!
Design and construction of bedouin tent: masterful
Pick up of DJ from Grosseto station: intriguing
Discussions under the stars: entrancing
Lady V seduction technique: cheesy (Quattro Formaggi)
Pretence at resistance: disregarded
Romping on hillside: enthusiastic
Walk of shame over hillside: public
EP party: EPIC!
Hours spent in bed: 36
Interruptions: plenty
Flights changed: 1 (thanks Tot F!)
Dash to Rome: 1 (reeling slightly)
Dinner with tall Americans: 1 (drunken and delicious)
Sweating: profuse but, I feel, not unattractive
Weight gain: still ok (celebrity diet of sex and booze effective)
Week 3: Cote D'Azur
Gruelling dash along Cote D'Azur in baking heat with throbbing head: 1 (13 hours)
Jolly lunch in Antibes with 3 roguish old French sailors: 1 (they paid, I entertained)
Jolly afternoon drinks toute seule in Marseille: 3 (pastis, feeling no pain)
Lies told to sensible friends as to why I was a day late: many (far-fetched)
Lies believed by sensible friends: none
Delightful children ranging from 3 months - 7 years: 5
Hours spent dancing to Jump Little Bunnies Jump Jump Jump: 675
Hours drinking rose and reminiscing over university glory days: 789
Joy at finding rogue packet of Marlboro lights on top of fridge: unparallelled
Time spent to pork down the lot between us: 15 mins
Cheese consumed: EU mountains-worth
Sweating: garlicky
Weight gain: see cheese mountain ref above
Phone calls to DJ S: 367 minutes (roaming charges apply)
Week 4: Maremma
Ecstasy at being reunited with my Tot: infinite
Guilt at having abandoned the group: vast
Lunchtime prosecco: de rigeur
Adoration of Francesca: heart-bursting
Broody moments: at all times
Adoration of PDF's physique in and out of sarong: unparalleled
Paul and Molly: fabulous
Mankini moments: 2 more than was decent
Attempt to tape Tomasina into said mankini: 1 (an intimacy never to be repeated)
World-class cuisine: every meal (cannot claim responsibility)
Attempt at making pudding: 1 (failed)
Exercise: quick hike from car to shrine
Ladies' lunch with S & F at L'Ultima Spiaggia: 1 (perfection)
Bottles of beer consumed with S in sea discussing life, love and existence: can remember
Pre-festival panic attacks at 5.30 am: horrendous
Discussions re soft furnishings with French uber-homosexuals: hilarious
Compensatory fags smoked: 153 million
Four in a bed romp with F, J and Mom: 1 (rah!)
Sweating: with fear
Weight gain: comfort-eating took its toll
Phone calls to DJ S: many. soothing. exciting
Week 5: Edinburgh/Maremma/Brescia
Vomiting attacks: 3
Stages shared with famous writers for Amnesty reading: 1
Authors' hospitality yurt abused: 1 (extensively, post reading, free prosec with the Poet Laureate!)
Internationally acclaimed author performance: 1 (sold out,yeah!)
Book signing: 15 (yeah!)
Adrenalin rush: coursing through veins
Evening with publisher: alcoholic, on the house
Drunken outpourings of love and appreciation to above: 3 am, embarassing
Intoxicated photo shoot in posh Edinburgh gardens: 1
Naked photo shoot a few minutes later: unfortunate
Early morning dash of shame to airport: 1 (shaking lightly)
Texts of reassurance from editor: much appreciated
Midnight dash from Fiumicino to Maremma: 1 (thanks Uncle Luigi!)
Joyous welcome to bosom of Tots and Tom: 1 (bottle of wine, 10 fags)
Guilt at abandonment: profuse
Discovery of lake and delightful swim with K & S & Clementine: 1
Hot and bothered vineyard tour in Tuscan hills: 1
Cases purchased: 2 for the road
Afternoon dash up the peninsula: 1 (conversation delightful)
Weekend at Tot ancestral home picking out chaise longues for River St
Fags smoked with Mommy D: 697 million
Badger scratches to soothe my Tot: various
Sweating: extensive, from carrying furniture in midday sun
Weight gain: starting to show
Phone calls to DJ S: uh-huh
Week 6: Marseille
Trains from Milan to Nice: 1 (air-conditioning ferocious)
Trains from Nice to Marseille: 1 (air-conditioning non-existent)
Nudist beaches ogled: 1 (men only, bah)
New husbands encountered: 1 (charmant!)
Old friends catch up time: not enough
Boat trip around Les Calanques: 3 hours, beautiful
French spouted: fluent, at all times
Ladies' lunch in Aix en Provence: 1 (extensive, rose-ridden)
Hours spent in beauty salon impending hot date: 2 (painful)
Emotions at seeing flesh flop on waxing table in post-summer splurge: indescribable
Resurrection of spirits with well-judged bottle of rose: swift. (thanks girls!)
Late night son et lumiere around Marseilles: delightful
Hot date in Clerkenwell with DJ S.: aaahhhhhhh (thanks Sicily for the flat)
Another train trip to the Lakes for triple-fisting family christening: why? why?
Renouncement of evil as fairy godmother to Baby Daisy: because I had to
Bottles of wine consumed to block out the shame: 556
Sweating: not in the Lake District
Weight gain: oh god oh god oh god
Phone bill: oh god oh god oh god
So there it is. The summer is over. Thanks to all for making it, once again, a marvellous romperama of delight.
But no winter of discontent for me - au contraire!
Girlfriend found: 1
Lunatic grinning: extensive...
As you know, my memory is not what is was. But from what I can recall, for posterity's sake and because everyone loves a list, are some of the highlights. I took no photos so all featured here are thanks to the paparazzi.
Week 1: Milan/Sardinia
Tot A birthday celebrations in Milan: 1 (drunken. extensive)
Shopping trip for Tot C birthday outfit: 1 (swanky. thanks boys!)
Ferry trips to and from Sardinia: 2 (seventies lounge, spades, bouncy bouncy!)
Weddings attended: 1
Pan-African dance performance viewed: 1 (wincey wincey)
Midnight trips to Cagliari airport: 1 (hairpin bends. pukerama)
Belgian ex-mercenary/tobacco baron encountered: 1 (charming host, mildly woman-phobic)
Shamefaced uncovering of 36 year old flesh on beach: 3 (gravity has not been kind to this woman)
Obligatory birthday strop including tears/mourning lost youth and firmness of thighs: 1 (shortlived, banished by lunchtime mini-bottle)
First ever snorkelling experience with A: 1 (magical)
Shamefaced pushing of car out of sand on beach: 1 (errrr)
Consumption of seafood: excessive but delish
Sweating: profuse
Weight-gain: not-as-yet-thank-god
Week 2: Maremma
Ecstatic gambolling in Tuscan retreat: extensive
Grand planning for EP party: aiming high
Discussions over finding landrover/aeropane to plant in field: over-optimistic
Action re above: nil
Switching beds to provide self with room befitting 36 year old lady dowager: yay!
Design and construction of bedouin tent: masterful
Pick up of DJ from Grosseto station: intriguing
Discussions under the stars: entrancing
Lady V seduction technique: cheesy (Quattro Formaggi)
Pretence at resistance: disregarded
Romping on hillside: enthusiastic
Walk of shame over hillside: public
EP party: EPIC!
Hours spent in bed: 36
Interruptions: plenty
Flights changed: 1 (thanks Tot F!)
Dash to Rome: 1 (reeling slightly)
Dinner with tall Americans: 1 (drunken and delicious)
Sweating: profuse but, I feel, not unattractive
Weight gain: still ok (celebrity diet of sex and booze effective)
Week 3: Cote D'Azur
Gruelling dash along Cote D'Azur in baking heat with throbbing head: 1 (13 hours)
Jolly lunch in Antibes with 3 roguish old French sailors: 1 (they paid, I entertained)
Jolly afternoon drinks toute seule in Marseille: 3 (pastis, feeling no pain)
Lies told to sensible friends as to why I was a day late: many (far-fetched)
Lies believed by sensible friends: none
Delightful children ranging from 3 months - 7 years: 5
Hours spent dancing to Jump Little Bunnies Jump Jump Jump: 675
Hours drinking rose and reminiscing over university glory days: 789
Joy at finding rogue packet of Marlboro lights on top of fridge: unparallelled
Time spent to pork down the lot between us: 15 mins
Cheese consumed: EU mountains-worth
Sweating: garlicky
Weight gain: see cheese mountain ref above
Phone calls to DJ S: 367 minutes (roaming charges apply)
Week 4: Maremma
Ecstasy at being reunited with my Tot: infinite
Guilt at having abandoned the group: vast
Lunchtime prosecco: de rigeur
Adoration of Francesca: heart-bursting
Broody moments: at all times
Adoration of PDF's physique in and out of sarong: unparalleled
Paul and Molly: fabulous
Mankini moments: 2 more than was decent
Attempt to tape Tomasina into said mankini: 1 (an intimacy never to be repeated)
World-class cuisine: every meal (cannot claim responsibility)
Attempt at making pudding: 1 (failed)
Exercise: quick hike from car to shrine
Ladies' lunch with S & F at L'Ultima Spiaggia: 1 (perfection)
Bottles of beer consumed with S in sea discussing life, love and existence: can remember
Pre-festival panic attacks at 5.30 am: horrendous
Discussions re soft furnishings with French uber-homosexuals: hilarious
Compensatory fags smoked: 153 million
Four in a bed romp with F, J and Mom: 1 (rah!)
Sweating: with fear
Weight gain: comfort-eating took its toll
Phone calls to DJ S: many. soothing. exciting
Week 5: Edinburgh/Maremma/Brescia
Vomiting attacks: 3
Stages shared with famous writers for Amnesty reading: 1
Authors' hospitality yurt abused: 1 (extensively, post reading, free prosec with the Poet Laureate!)
Internationally acclaimed author performance: 1 (sold out,yeah!)
Book signing: 15 (yeah!)
Adrenalin rush: coursing through veins
Evening with publisher: alcoholic, on the house
Drunken outpourings of love and appreciation to above: 3 am, embarassing
Intoxicated photo shoot in posh Edinburgh gardens: 1
Naked photo shoot a few minutes later: unfortunate
Early morning dash of shame to airport: 1 (shaking lightly)
Texts of reassurance from editor: much appreciated
Midnight dash from Fiumicino to Maremma: 1 (thanks Uncle Luigi!)
Joyous welcome to bosom of Tots and Tom: 1 (bottle of wine, 10 fags)
Guilt at abandonment: profuse
Discovery of lake and delightful swim with K & S & Clementine: 1
Hot and bothered vineyard tour in Tuscan hills: 1
Cases purchased: 2 for the road
Afternoon dash up the peninsula: 1 (conversation delightful)
Weekend at Tot ancestral home picking out chaise longues for River St
Fags smoked with Mommy D: 697 million
Badger scratches to soothe my Tot: various
Sweating: extensive, from carrying furniture in midday sun
Weight gain: starting to show
Phone calls to DJ S: uh-huh
Week 6: Marseille
Trains from Milan to Nice: 1 (air-conditioning ferocious)
Trains from Nice to Marseille: 1 (air-conditioning non-existent)
Nudist beaches ogled: 1 (men only, bah)
New husbands encountered: 1 (charmant!)
Old friends catch up time: not enough
Boat trip around Les Calanques: 3 hours, beautiful
French spouted: fluent, at all times
Ladies' lunch in Aix en Provence: 1 (extensive, rose-ridden)
Hours spent in beauty salon impending hot date: 2 (painful)
Emotions at seeing flesh flop on waxing table in post-summer splurge: indescribable
Resurrection of spirits with well-judged bottle of rose: swift. (thanks girls!)
Late night son et lumiere around Marseilles: delightful
Hot date in Clerkenwell with DJ S.: aaahhhhhhh (thanks Sicily for the flat)
Another train trip to the Lakes for triple-fisting family christening: why? why?
Renouncement of evil as fairy godmother to Baby Daisy: because I had to
Bottles of wine consumed to block out the shame: 556
Sweating: not in the Lake District
Weight gain: oh god oh god oh god
Phone bill: oh god oh god oh god
So there it is. The summer is over. Thanks to all for making it, once again, a marvellous romperama of delight.
But no winter of discontent for me - au contraire!
Girlfriend found: 1
Lunatic grinning: extensive...
posted by Lady V at 5:17 pm
4 Comments:
Thrilling. Just thrilling. Am grinning for you, too!
I am in awe of your powers of recollection, in awe of the cheekiness of the naked photo shoot (he he), in awe of the International Celebrity Novelist Lifestyle, but most in awe of the fabulous biking DJ!!!
well, it was indeed a romporama. i second all of the above. also, the milanese in me has to say it: you were wearing the same dress in two very different photoshoots (and no, I am not talking of your skin). unforgivable. next summer, think about posterity and photographic evidence. and about anna wintour. muah.
Loved reading it all. Loved the naked photoshoot. That photo of Sam and you is fantastic!!
xx
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