30 September 2008

Lady V: the Italian years

Gosh! It’s almost 10 days since, following the tradition of Byron, Shelley and other literary giants, I left England’s fair shores for the delights of Italy.

We almost didn’t make it. A 5.30 am start at the King’s Cross in order to beat the crowds clamouring to get on the Eurostar following the fire the week before meant that your intrepid travellers were too tired even to avail themselves of their traditional G&T on the train and could only slump in their seats, surrounded by broken luggage and vague fears that they hadn’t Sorted Things Out before departure. On arrival in Paris, we dragged said broken baggage across town to deposit in a locker whilst we attended to far more important things - ie, lunch.


After our first kir royale and a small snack in a café in the Marais, we felt fully rejuvenated and ready for the next leg of the journey - an 8 hour journey to Milan. During which we sang along to Bollywood classic Bride and Prejudice, consumed a couple of mini bottles of EXECRABLE vin rouge and vile croque monsieurs, then fell asleep again, dribbling lightly. We arrived at 11pm, to be picked up by the lovely Elena, quivering gently after a traumatic experience with her sat nav system, and taken to our new abode in the centre of town. Saving the environment is EXHAUSTING.

Since then we have been consumed by a whirlwind of activity, which I shall summarise thus:

Epic car journeys up and down Italian motorways, Tot A trying not to flinch as Lady V just misses another enormous truck: 4
Hours spent loitering in Autogrills on said motorways, munching focaccia and knocking back espressos: 36
Joyful reunion with Tot F and Little J, involving copious amounts of gin and tonics: 1
Attempt to hold civilised dinner in the manner of 30-somethings on Tuscan holiday: 1 (failed)



Impromptu horseback riding sessions through brambles and thorns: 1


Accidental drinking of souvenir water from Lourdes after one too many proseccos: 1 (sorry Elena)
Trips to the ancestral tot home: 1
Games of Trivial Pursuit played at said home (and won by Lady V, natch): 1
Melanzane pillaged from mother’s vegetable patch: 24
Melanzane now rotting in fridge: 23
Aperitivi swigged and munched: innumerable
Language classes attended: none (v bad, must improve)
Early morning trips to gym to counterbalance abovementioned porking out on aperitivi: 2
Proofs of book cover received from grumpy doorman: 5
Hours spent on Joint Literary Project with Tot A: 12
Hours spent laughing at our own cleverness: 36
Tears spilled in overwhelmed pleasure at being back in Italy: many

I shall be updating you all with future adventures as they happen. In the meantime, unpacking my mackintosh square as we speak…

15 September 2008

The Ballad of Molly and Paul

Well, I took no photos.

The stories have been told.

But I wrote a poem, performed by my good self at the infamous bachelorette do on Brighton Beach. I suspect most of the group were mildly intoxicated. So here is a little reminder.

A bit cheesy. A few dodgy rhymes. But written with love.

The Ballad of Molly and Paul

In the beginning was the word
And the word was Eritrea
A cosy little restaurant
A dinner just for two

And afterwards they walked a bit
And talked a bit
And kissed a bit
Now here I am in Brighton Beach
Reporting back to you.

So he said:

I need you like vodka needs a tonic
A little splash of something just to make the drink complete
I need you – it's a condition that is chronic
Like some of us need cigarettes and some of us need meat

I need you like Fela Kuti needs his dancers
Although the difference between us is that I need just we two
I need you like music needs an audience
A wise discerning audience that even gets Tatu

I need you like Hedwig needs his angry inch
I need you like a fireman needs his hose
I need you like wearing latex needs some talcum
Someone to make me comfortable
Someone who really knows

I need you like Obama needs a victory
Will you come with me to C.A.R or even Kazakhstan?
We'll change the world together
If we just have each other
Shall we do it ? Do you want to? Can we do it? Yes we can!


And she said:

I need you like yoga needs a downwards dog
Basic but essential to the way my body moves
I need you like sushi needs wasabi
A little something extra to make the rest improve

I need you like carbon needs offsetting
Like trees need air and water and flowers need the sun
I need you like paper needs recycling
So none of you is wasted and there's more of you for fun

I need you like a Wiki needs contributors
One who's adding to me, building who I am
I'll give just you the password, so no-one else can do it
We'll build our own Webb2.0 with Lawrence - extra RAM

And he said:

I need you like Donnie Darko needs his hoodie
A warm and cosy hoodie I can huddle up inside
One that fits just perfectly
One who's with me constantly
I'll love you til the end of time
So will you be my bride?

-

So now there are two words
And the words are Paul and Molly
The two words go together
Tripping lightly off the tongue
Let's make a toast
And say three cheers
Hurrah from everyone!